Eugene Bidau, Le Printemps, 1896
Homo Algus, Marais de Séné, Bretagne, France
Land art by Sophie Prestigiacomo
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tbh when i take a good look at my life ive been doing magic for years. or what people would call magic. mostly i refer to it in my head as Things The Nature Of Which Defy Speaking Of. its just weird to me that there are people out there doing similar things but they call it witchcraft bc i never really considered myself a witch? though my aversion to that title might be gender-based.
replace all garden gnomes w these
hey check out all these cool statues of me
(Non-TF: Humans Are Weird/Earth is Space Australia) The Human Tests
It began as a joke among the xenobiologists. Cataloguing the flora and fauna of hitherto unsurveyed life-bearing worlds is both a tedious and terrifying job. Locating the large and numerous life forms is easy, and the processes of capture and analysis provide a pleasant challenge after prolonged journeys through transwarp space. However, after the easy life comes the small, the hidden, and the potentially dangerous. There are cautionary tales galore of survey crews that let down their guards, neglected a crucial isolation step, or were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, and paid with their lives as a result. The mixture of repetitive, time-consuming work and perennial anxiety can lead to all manner of untoward and crude behavior, including humor in poor taste. Crews returning from survey missions are routinely put through re-socialization training to restore their moral and ethical standards.
have I ever told you all the story of how I learned that spiders have a sense of smell in the worst way possible?
you have my attention
Good, now sit and listen to a pair of very bad decisions.
I used to live alone in a house which had just had about 75% of it’s interior removed, so many of the local fauna (beetles, crickets and yes, SPIDERS) quickly found themselves seeking new shelter.
This was especially the case in the basement, there was never a time when I didn’t have to kick around some bugs when I did laundry or rotating pieces of artwork as I finished them in the studio space upstairs and brought up a new piece to work on
and there were plenty of spiders to deal with. the biggest spiders I’ve seen in the house in the entire 19 years I’ve lived there. and lemme tell ya, I was getting really fucking tired of them creeping up my legs as I did whatever it was I was doing at the time.
so one night I was particularly frustrated, and cue my first mistake. I followed this spider, I was fucking hunting the hunter. That furry, eight-legged cocksucker was dying TONIGHT.
and i decided to kill it with a blowtorch
Now if anyone’s seen Arachnophobia, you’d think setting a spider on fire would be a bad idea (and it is, but we’re getting to that) and in that iconic scene, the spider, engulfed in flame, runs around setting everything on fire in its wake. Now this would probably have been the case if I had used like hairspray and a lighter, but a blowtorch is more of pure, concentrated, firey “fuck this thing in particular” and if you get close enough, you’ll burn the legs off your prey before it can even consider running.
and here’s my next mistake. setting the spider on fire in my basement with tons of cracks in wall. now I knew that bugs smelled pretty bad when you burned them, but this was bad. 2 years now and I’m still haunted by the smell. And also by what happened next. see, in most arthropods, the smell of the dead only brings more of the living, and this was a smell so pervasive, that it lingered in the house for days
spiders began pouring out of the walls. Easily 2 dozen of them, if not more. I SUMMONED MORE SPIDERS BY SETTING ONE ON FIRE.
so when anyone ever says “kill it with fire” in response to a photo of a spider, I always think of how big a mistake that actually is
“buy a faerie door for your garden!”
buddy every garden is a faerie garden if youre bad enough at putting up wards
is anything as pure as a mango. is anything as humble and good and forthright as a mango, i ask you.
- the legit reason why i dont tag anything as art or fanart or whatever is bc i have a very broad definition of what Art is. actually i have no definition. i can and will include anything at all under the umbrella of art and no one can stop me. i dont get to decide what isnt art. its all fuckin art. wallcube is art. the patterns of scars of my legs are art. someones amazing watercolor is art. bis art. a sculpture of a piranha man ascending from a toilet is art. the way a seagull attacks a guy in a vine is art. literally it is all art. its fuckin great. anyway yeah the art tag would be basically useless to me bc it would be swamped with all sorts of shit.
i invented a new drink called the emo revival its where you put on the hotelier or whatever and drink straight cheap gin out of a christmas mug
in light of the holiday season i’ve decided you can add up to 50% arizona mucho mango to the emo revival to make it a little more palatable. december only.
the emo revival is back for 2018